Love, Serve, Transform: A Journey Inward and Outward

 I never would have thought, in a million years, that one day I would write a book.

Writing has never come naturally to me. Even now, I’m surprised that I’ve managed to fill hundreds of journal pages over the years. Honestly, it all began with setting some goals and recording some dreams. I must have read somewhere that keeping a journal and reflecting on thoughts and feelings brings clarity and a better understanding of the self, and so I began.

A writing workshop I attended in 2004 helped me break out of my shell. It gave me the courage to express my thoughts, feelings, and dreams in a private journal. Thanks to Yesim Cimcoz, I still use some of the techniques I learned in that workshop after 20 years.

In 2006, out of necessity to support my Reiki students, I started a monthly newsletter that eventually evolved into this blog in 2009.

I never imagined I would one day gather any of it into something cohesive. It was in early 2025, when a family drama was unfolding in Istanbul, that I needed something to distract myself; the idea of this book was born. This was a testament that every negative experience may give rise to something positive.  

It took me 2 days to assemble this book from years of blog posts, journal entries, articles, and notes. Yet it took months and months to ponder it. Some of the experiences I share are deeply personal. I hesitated whether to share them or not. I wondered whether people would judge me or think I was nuts. In the end, I am not flawless. I am just a human, but I love and accept myself as I am. I thought, so be it.

What began for me as a journey to find meaning gradually transformed into a journey to discover myself, my true self. And in the end, what I eventually came to realize was this: there is ultimately nothing to seek, no separate seeker, only this luminous moment—its weightless freedom, the awareness of that freedom, and the immeasurable peace that comes with it.

I wish I could say this realization came after years of meditation.

But no… I had to die to find this out.

And the experiences led me to find this, I shared in my book.

Here, I wanted to share the steps in the evolution of the book.  

The first person I shared the draft with was my dear friend Sundar Kadayam. Over the years, we were always good sounding boards for each other, and he has extensive experience in publishing. My initial idea was to share chapters in chronological order and scatter my travel notes in between. It was Sundar's idea to split it into an inward and outward journey. It made perfect sense to me. The inward journey was my yoga and Reiki journey. The outward journey was my spiritual travels. I collected everything else in a third section. That included various articles, experiences, dreams, visions, etc. Sundar shared essentials in a book, like a preface, an introduction, a glossary, etc., and gave me some tips and resources from his own publishing experience. He even wrote a review for my book, which I used on the back cover. This gave me the boost I needed at that time. Thank you, my friend!

Picking the name was easy. I didn't even think for a moment. The motto in my email signature line has been "Love Unconditionally, Serve Selflessly, Transform to the Highest Potential" since 2010.  I thought that would be a good representation and summary of my goal in my journey.

I didn't go through a professional-editor route for two reasons: First, I knew it would take a lot of effort to make this book publishable by a publishing house. I didn't care to make content changes a professional editor would suggest. I wanted the book to stay raw and imperfect. I wanted it to stay original, with all the mistakes in it. I wrote this book to leave to my grandkids, if I have some, one day. I didn't want to change the content for promotional reasons to make it more attractive to readers. It's what it is, and that includes the language.  Also, I thought there were so many spiritual journeys and autobiographies out there. I didn't think people would find something new that they hadn't read anywhere else before.

After all, the target audience of this book is my family and close friends. I hope that, one day, my grandchildren might find something here that resonates with them, and maybe this collection will offer a spark of encouragement to fellow spiritual seekers.

Having said that, I used ChatGPT and Grammarly to review and edit portions of the book. However, I did it at a minimum, and I certainly didn't care for most suggestions. I wanted to keep it "imperfect" because that's how my English is, and it would not be real if I edited everything as ChatGPT suggested.  I got help from 2 friends for whom I'm deeply grateful. First, Antonia von Hirschberg read a large portion of the book and suggested some grammar and punctuation fixes. She did a huge favor, maybe without knowing the impact, and printed the whole book and put it in a binder. That way, I was able to share it with another friend, Sharon Davis Riegler, who read it thoroughly and made similar grammar and punctuation suggestions. That process taught me how much grammar and punctuation I didn't know.  Beware: There might still be some mistakes in the book! 

The first Turkish friend who read and gave me stellar feedback, Ezgi, gave me the courage that I was on the right path. Thanks, Ezgi'cim!

Another encouragement was from my daughter. In fact, she was my original editor, before ChatGPT, before Grammarly, for years. When she was in middle school and high school, I'd run my monthly articles through her before publishing them on my blog, and she would give grammar oversight. She was the first to read my book and provide encouraging feedback. Thank you, Serra!

I also need to give credit with my deep gratitude to two people for the cover art. When I was diagnosed with cancer, Maria Kammerer gave me a hand-made etching of a bodhisattva as a gift of encouragement. This gift was so precious to me that not only did I keep it as a treasure, but I also wanted it to be on the cover of my book. Thank you for the precious gift, Maria. 

It was Joey Wood who designed the cover art. My daughter's boyfriend is such a talented artist that he made it seem very easy and flawless. But I know so much effort goes into it. Thank you for the color selection and perfect reflective look of the cover, Joey! 

I also want to thank my sister-in-law, who organized our Peru & Bolivia trip 20 years ago, accompanied me in my first visit to Gobeklitepe, and took me to Aphrodisias, Sagalassos, Laodikeia, Nysa, and Metropolis. To many more travels together!

There is one person, without whose help this book could not be printed, and that's my husband. Like he always does, he researched extensively, discovered the Reedsy tricks for formatting, KDP/Amazon guidelines, and so much more to make the book print-ready. The name is "self-publish," but believe me, it's not that a straightforward process. Thank you, honey!

Now is the time to enjoy the birth of "Love unconditionally, Serve selflessly, Transform to the highest potential". 

 And celebrate.

My Advaita Journey- No Otherness

Lately, I’ve been listening to the podcasts of a Turkish yoga teacher Azize Şahin, where she shares her experiences of awakening to non-dual reality. Her reflections have inspired me to revisit my own journey and to deepen my practice with more consistency.

The very first time I heard about non-duality was in 2004. I was at a Kirtan in Shine Yoga with Dave Stringer. We began chanting Shivo’ham—“I am Shiva.” The lyrics felt so familiar. I had the sensation that I could almost utter the words, yet I couldn’t. They were in Sanskrit. After the Kirtan, still under the spell of the music, I purchased the CD and tore it open under the dim studio light, looking for a translation of the lyrics. That was the first time I encountered the name Adi Shankara. I remember thinking, “Who is this sage, whose words hold such timeless wisdom and truth?” Something deep within me resonated. And just like that, my journey into Advaita Vedanta—the non-dual path—began.

Advaita, meaning "non-duality" or "no-otherness," is a school of thought within Vedanta that teaches the essential unity of all things. Just like the essence of a gold ring is gold and you can’t separate gold from the ring, our true essence is God, Pure Consciousness, or Supreme Awareness. There is no other but the Divine. Advaita asserts that we can realize this truth in this very lifetime—this liberation, or moksha, is available to us all. In fact, we are already "it".

I found this philosophy particularly resonant, as it echoed the teachings of Sufism, the mystical heart of Islam, where God is seen as present in all things and everywhere. The experience of God is not distant but immediate, intimate, and all-encompassing. 

The translation of the poem by Adi Shankara, Nirvana Shatakam is like this:

i am not the mind, intellect, ego, or the thoughts.

i am not the ears, tongue, nose, or eyes

i am not the sky, earth, fire, or the air

i am the embodiment of consciousness and bliss, i am Shiva

i am neither virtue nor sin, neither happiness nor sorrow

i am not the mantras, pilgrimage, scripture, or rituals

i am neither food, nor the consumer, nor enjoyer

i am the embodiment of consciousness and bliss, i am Shiva

i am the unprecedented, supreme eternal self-illuminating light

i am the purest limitless space, the eternal unchanging bliss

i am beyond thoughts and formlessness

i exists everywhere and in all senses

i am not limited to association, liberation, or known objects

i am the embodiment of consciousness and bliss, i am Shiva

The next summer in 2005, I went to India with a group of Turkish Yoga Teachers. Their guru, N.V Raghuram, was our guide in the Himalayas. Raghuram is a retired engineer, a yoga master, and a professor at the Swami Vivekananda Yoga Research Foundation, a yoga university in India. A few weeks before the trip, he told us that we would be studying the Mandukya Upanishad in India.

Upanishads are the collection of ancient spiritual texts exploring universal truths. Mandukya Upanishad, in particular, is a very short, yet deeply transformative text. It is believed that if you can fully understand and practice the wisdom contained in the twelve verses of Mandukya Upanishad, you need nothing else to attain enlightenment. "That’s sweet," I thought, "This will be very easy".

I first read this one-page text with great enthusiasm. It seemed perfectly clear, and I thought to myself, “This will be very easy.” But then I turned to a 32-page commentary on the Maṇḍūkya Upaniṣad by Swami Krishnananda and quickly realized there was far more to absorb than I had imagined. Later, during our stay in India, we studied it extensively, and its layers began to unfold.

The text describes the Imperishable OM (AUM), which represents the entire universe. Each syllable of AUM is symbolic: A stands for the waking state, U for dreams, M for deep sleep, and the silence represents the space where all dissolves into. The teaching invites us to maintain that silence and be aware of it—to embody Awareness at all times.. As simple as it sounds, this practice was far from easy. I got it conceptually, but I didn't know how to practice it. That was my only question to Raghuram at the end of our trip. He said, "be aware of every moment, day and night, while awake and in sleep, 24/7.", He said, "That's the way to practice". I remember trying to be fully aware of every moment of the day and during sleep. I had lucid dreams, and I became a zombie in just a few days. I think I took it to an extreme, so much so that I was frustrated to the point of quitting. I quit too soon, being impatient. It seems impossible. I didn't realize I needed to build up the practice little by little.

The ashram that we stayed in Rishikesh, was the ashram of Swami Dayananda, a renowned Vedanta master. I loaded up his books and commentaries on Vedanta.

I especially liked the illuminating interpretation of a specific mantra by Swami Dayananda.

“Poornamadah Poornamidam

Poornaat Poornamudachyate

Poornasya Poornamaadaaya

Poornamevaavashishṣyate”

 

“Completeness is that, completeness is this.

From completeness, completeness comes forth.

Completeness from completeness taken away,

Completeness to completeness added,

Completeness alone remains. “

 All is perfect, all is perfect as is!

My fascination with Vedanta only deepened. Meeting Swami Tadatmananda at a Cincinnati Yoga Teachers Association event in Cincinnati in 2006 was a profound experience—his clarity and depth of understanding left a lasting impression. He was surprised to hear that I stayed at Dayananda Ashram in Rishikesh, his Guru’s ashram, the year before. Nothing is a coincidence!

I had long hoped to visit Ramesh Balsekar, another renowned Vedanta teacher, but sadly, he passed away in 2009 before I could make the journey to his Mumbai home in India. I don’t know how many times I watched his rare interviews on YouTube, published by the Advaita Fellowship—each viewing brought new insights.

The next big Advaita moment came in June 2015. I was recently diagnosed with cancer a few months ago. We were at a Reiki Retreat at Transfiguration Center in Cincinnati with our Reiki gang and our teacher, Frans Stiene. I was still evaluating treatment options and simultaneously working on my healing at all levels. I was scared and emotionally vulnerable. At that time, my dear friend Sundar Kadayam had an awakening experience a few months ago and was developing an exploration of awareness of Oneness through guided meditation. He said "That is enough suffering" and he led me through a guided meditation step by step, leading me from fear, worry, and anxiety to experientially recognizing my expansive true self. I was in awe. Was it that easy? I never forgot that experience but I could not integrate it into my life either. Sundar later wrote his first book, "Awaken" to help others experientially explore their true selves.

Over the years, I continued to include witness consciousness and expansion to my meditations, even if it didn't come naturally, I was faking until I make it.

I heard of Rupert Spira in 2016 for the first time and started listening to his meditations occasionally. I participated in a 4-day online live meditation retreat with him in June 2020. It felt like a safe haven during Covid days. He and Mooji were becoming my resources for meditations.

I also used the Insight Timer app on and off for years, setting it to chime every 15 minutes throughout the day. Often, I would miss the reminders, but whenever I caught one, I paused whatever I was doing and took three conscious breaths. With the first breath, I checked my body and released any tension. With the second, I observed my mind. With the third, I added a positive affirmation.

Looking back, I see that one mistake I made was holding on to a sense of self-identity while witnessing the ordinary reality. I should have let go and simply rested as awareness itself, awareness being aware of itself. That understanding came much later. More recently, I began using the same app with this deeper intention—receiving reminders not just to pause, but to return to the one who is aware of awareness.

Then came the sacred medicine experiences, Grandmother and Grandfather in 2019 and 2022, respectively. The first one reminded me I was already “it”. I was looking for the Truth, and it reminded me that I was the Truth itself. I just needed to take a step backward, remove myself from ordinary reality, to be the luminous, expansive self.

However, looking back now, even though it was an amazingly empowering experience and I had experienced a timeless expansion, there was still an "I".

As for the Grandfather, I need to separate the pure experience from the emergence of the self within the experience. Within the pure experience, there was no material existence at all. There was no "I" or anything that identified with an "I". There was no body, no mind, no thought or any memory of any existence ever. There was no memory that there once was a material existence, in the form of an "I" or an Earth or even a Universe. It was as if none of this material world ever existed. There was only awareness, and it was aware of the experience, which was freedom and immeasurable peace.

This is what I wrote immediately after the experience:

“I am in this timeless time and spaceless space. In fact, there is nothing to call an “I” but a lack of a better word. There is only the "experience itself". There is no body or mind but simply consciousness. There is also no memory that there was once a body and a mind.  There is weightlessness, not only physically but also mentally. Not only are there no thoughts, but also an incredible freedom of not having a mental presence, not even the slightest shadow of it, or even a single memory that a presence was once there. It is as if this Universe never existed. As if this 14 billion years of existence were only a dream, but not even being remembered. There is no experiencer of all this either, but only weightless freedom and presence of the “now” and an awareness of that freedom and the immeasurable peace that comes with it.”

However, while this experience was going on, just like a bubble rising from the depths of a swamp, a subtle awareness emerged out of nowhere.This awareness was loosely associated with a separate sense of an "I", as myself. And at the moment the sense of an "I" appeared,  I had a knowing that "I" was faced with a decision.

I was at a threshold: To stay here in this eternal joy or to come back to the world. I knew I had the option of not coming back, but.I also knew that staying here meant “death”. 

When this thought arose, personification got stronger. I remember thinking that if I died, I would cause trouble and sadness for a lot of people. As soon as this thought crossed my mind, in a split second, I came back to my body. That was the end of the experience.

For the next two weeks, I tried to ground myself back into earthly reality. This existence felt so heavy compared to the lightness of the “experience.” At first, my connection to the world was very loose—I still felt expanded—yet it grew stronger as I practiced grounding breathwork, yoga, and followed a more earthly diet.I documented the experience. My memory of it was vivid, but I didn’t know how to integrate it. It remained something to long for, an experience I couldn’t replicate.

Finally, during a Reiki retreat in April 2025, I was able to integrate it—at least partially. Now, I can return to that state at will, but only for a few minutes before I am pulled back into this world.

I still wonder: how can I truly live in that state while continuing a worldly life?

That’s why I wanted to document my journey as a way of committing myself to the practice.  I know it can be done. Now that I'm inspired to try again, I will commit to stepping back and being aware of being aware. 

I only need practice, patience, and perseverance, and non-attachment to the result. The rest will come with Grace.

Resources:

Ruprt Spira - Meditation Being Aware of the Being Aware is the Highest Meditation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZ8tQYYNIg0&t=39s

Azize Sahin: - Non-dual Sohbetler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etqF9yO8SPs

Sundar Kadayam-An Experiencial Exploration of Enlightenment

https://www.amazon.com/Awaken-Experiential-Exploration-Enlightenment-No-otherness/dp/1734283505

When S**t hits the Fan

 

Excuse my language but sometimes there is no easy way to say it. 

I had a family situation earlier this month, thankfully not a health issue, that made me review and diligently apply  almost all of my practices to survive through it. So I decided to share it here, to remind myself, God forbid if I need a reminder in future.

Breath: If things become overwhelming and  I forget everything I learned (believe me it happened once), then the Breath is the one and only thing to remember. No need to apply complex techniques, I just remind myself of deep belly breathing. It’s simple but it works.  

Call a friend: Thankfully I have friends I can call in emergency situations to request advice, request Reiki or prayers. I shamelessly take advantage of this when I am overwhelmed. A lot of friends listened to me, gave advice and one of them wrapped me with a weighted blanket and I’m eternally grateful to each one of them.

Homeopathy: Ignatia is a miracle homeopathic remedy for stress and depression, sold OTC.  It’s my first choice in case of emergencies.

Bach Remedies: There is an OTC Stress reduction remedy from Bach Remedies . There are droplets and the spray. I take 4 drops (as instructed) a couple times during the day when I feel nervous.

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) : I do a few rounds of EFT (or until my emotion gets to a manageable level) on top distractive emotions and repeat as necessary. 

Songs: I have different playlists depending on my specific mood in my I-tunes.  If I feel overwhelmed, I listen to the ultimate Emergency one. What moves each person will be different, I encourage everyone  to create their own uplifting playlist. 

This time around, I also picked 4 specific practices;

1. Sun Mudra is an esoteric Japanese practice of movement, visualization and mantra. It works to ground one to Earth and hence dispel any fear and worry. This one  should be done carefully as too much of it may create stagnation and prevent the ability to take decisions and actions.

2. In case of conflict; a visualization and prayer where you visualize the person(s) in Light, and pray for one minute:” Lord, fill him/her with peace and harmony, peace and harmony.” 

Then visualize yourself in Light and pray the same for 15 seconds. You do this few times a day but if you do it 5 times, it creates magical effects.

3. I feel like I have a special connection to this healing Rama mantra: OM APA-DAMAPA HATARAM DATARAM SARVA SAMPADAM LOKA BHI RAMAM SRI RAMAM BHUYO BHUYO NAMAM-YAHAM

OM O most compassionate Rama, Please send your healing energy right here to the Earth, to the Earth.

4. A prayer from my Kriya lineage:

Divine Mother thou art Omnipresent

Thou art in all thy Children

Manifest thy healing presence in my body, mind and soul (and repeat for others who need healing).

I also continue my Yoga practice to bring normalcy and mix it up with energization exercises.

I find it most helpful if I do these practices with a surrendered mind set,  humility and trust to the System/Universe/Higher power. 

May all be healthy

May all be happy

May all be free

My EFT Journey: A Journey of Healing and Growth

I love celebrating milestones, and this year marks the 20th anniversary of my journey with EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). It was a profound gift—one that I will forever cherish with gratitude.

It all began in the summer of 2004. My family and I were in Istanbul for our summer vacation when my dear friend, Gulcan Arpacioglu  told me she had a special gift for me. She said, “But you’ll need to come to my home and spend the entire day here.” Intrigued, I agreed, not knowing what to expect. It turns out her gift  was an EFT workshop. EFT/Tapping is a simple and effective technique administered by gently tapping the acupuncture points to transform negative emotions like fear, worry, anxiety, depression.

Leaving my kids with my mom for the day was a bit of a challenge, but I reminded myself that’s exactly what grandmas are for. So, off I went to Gulcan’s house, unaware how EFT could impact my life. That day, I witnessed incredible transformations. I saw such profound healing during the workshop that I was left in awe.

One particular participant had a deep-seated phobia of dogs. She couldn’t even tolerate the idea of being in the same room with a dog. However, Gulcan  had Peanut then. By the end of the day, to my amazement, I watched this woman petting Peanut with a sense of calm that seemed unimaginable just hours earlier. Many radical healings happened that day, including one of my own; with an awareness that shed light on some of my childhood trauma. 

I had been a skinny child until the third grade, when I started gaining weight and remained on the chubbier side throughout my life. During the workshop, a powerful realization hit me. My emotional eating began when I was eight years old, the same year I moved in with my dad and stepmother after a seven-year custody battle.

My stepmother had a son who was 13 at the time—a growing teenager with a big appetite. I noticed how she often praised him for his eating, which I subconsciously interpreted as love and acceptance. That summer, in an effort to gain her approval, I began competing with my step-brother to eat as much as he did. That’s when my unhealthy relationship with food started.
This insight felt like a light bulb moment. For the first time, I saw how my childhood experiences had shaped my behaviors, and I felt an immediate shift to my attitude toward food.

Over the next few years, I used EFT sporadically for myself and my family. But in early 2015, life threw me another twist: a cancer diagnosis. Determined to heal, I sought to uncover the emotional roots of my illness. Gulcan once again came to my rescue, guiding me through hours of EFT therapy. Together, we unearthed layers of childhood trauma, limiting beliefs, unhealthy relationship patterns, and even past life karma.

It was like windows opening, allowing light to illuminate my darkest corners. EFT became my lifeline during that challenging period, and I’m not sure how I would have survived without it.

EFT  had such a transformative impact on my life that  I began sharing  it with  my family and friends and  eventually teaching it at Cancer Support Community and  sharing it at various healthy living Expos. 

Although I don’t practice EFT professionally,I often use it to raise funds for meaningful causes, including earthquake relief efforts. Most recently, I’ve contributed to supporting amputee children who were impacted by the February 6, 2022 Earthquake.

I owe a heartfelt thank-you to Gulcan. for introducing me to EFT, for being a role model, a guiding light, and for unlocking my healing potential.
Today, EFT is more popular than ever. There are even apps like The Tapping Solution to make it accessible. If you’d like to explore it, I highly recommend these websites:

www.emofree.com (the official site by EFT founder Gary Craig)
www.eftinternational.com
www.thetappingsolution.com

So, the next time you’re feeling emotionally stuck, give EFT a try. You just might find the healing and clarity you’ve been searching for.

Here are few  EFT testimonials from my friends: 
When I first heard about the EFT technique I was a bit skeptical but I still decided to give it a try because of all the positive experiences my friends had with Zeynep. I am very glad I did. It has benefited me in a way I had never expected and I saw this change incredibly fast, in only one session. If you have some fears or worries in life, you will definitely be very happy with the EFT technique. I highly recommend Zeynep. She is not only great at what she does, she also is an incredible human being. You will feel her positive vibes the moment you meet her.  B.C

Prior to my first experience with EFT session with Zeynep, I had no idea what to expect. After the session, which lasted about an hour, I realized how much my feelings/issues had been suppressed in my psyche since my childhood, and how it affected my well-being as an adult up to this moment in time. I truly believe that Zeynep is the ideal mentor for anyone that wishes to identify their burden within and discover a way to relieve their inner emotional stress. The success of our first meeting allowed me to comprehend Zeynep’s ability to understand the psychological aspect to build an emotional ’roadmap’ during the session, by posing certain questions before the session, and to use key words during, to venture deeper into the subconscious mind to discover the origin of the fear and give you the strength to find a release mechanism. Thank you Zeynep!  A.K

I always thought that EFT is a very interesting and intriguing method for healing trauma and other subconscious disorders. Zeynep was the first to apply this technique on me. During the session, I had emotional outbursts which led to the release of an extensive emotional burden. I did not experience any adverse events or negative thoughts during or after the session. I would definitely recommend these sessions for people who are not able to outroot their unconscious/ undiagnosed fears, traumas, and dysthymia. H.E

EFT is a very simple and effective method to release difficult emotions or suppressed feelings. You can implement this technique by yourself but I believe that it is very helpful if you do this together with an expert, especially in the beginning. Zeynep is always a solid support to me as well as being a very caring soul. The EFT session which we did together was so powerful, the suppressed feeling of fear which was with me for long years was completely gone in one session. I highly recommend her. E.K.

I’ve heard about the EFT tapping but never tried it before, until Zeynep kindly offered to introduce it to me. I appreciate how Zeynep easily connects, approaches with compassion and respect, and allows space while working on deep negative emotions. I’m forever grateful and highly recommend her services. B.H