2005 was a busy year on all fronts; it started with my first trip to India in March 2005 for work, followed by a trip to Himalayas in July the same year with a group of Turkish Yoga Teachers guided by dear N.V. Raghuram. All senses are amplified in every possible way in India, colors, smells, sounds, it was a sensory and spiritual carnival. During my first trip, I visited a traditional ashram in Mumbai and joined their daily program. I still fondly remember Hansaji and her husband Dr. Yogendra. This gave me a very brief ashram experience. I owed Ganesh a visit and fulfilled it in his temple. I came home with more books than I could carry. When I went back to India in July the same year, summer of 2005, I went with one goal in mind. I wanted to see God
We also met with some living saints and sages; how lucky we were. I was granted my wish,I saw God in Ganga (Ganges).
I was watching Ganges with a little disappointment in Delhi. It was dirty, muddy and weak; it had no power. As we traveled up to Rishikesh and towards Gangotri, Ganga turned young and restless and immensely powerful. At a point, it gave me shivers and a deep respect to its power. Then it started to rain to a point where we were flooded. It was the same river after all. I saw the reflection of life in Ganga. It was all the same river, the old, the dirty, the young and the restless, the mellow and the flood. My wish was granted. Years later I was going to realize you don’t need to go to Himalayas to see God, it’s everywhere.
In 2005, I finally felt ready for YTT, but I couldn’t take time off from work or leave my kids to go to a 30-day YTT in an ashram. I had a 5-year-old, a 10-year-old, and a full-time job. Cincinnati Yoga School was planning to bring a teacher in from Kripalu again but Diane Utaski, the owner of CYS was in the process of handing over the yoga school to its new owner, Will Brashear. There was some uncertainty. We needed a minimum of 9 people to have the training, so I rolled up my sleeves. I started actively advertising the YTT. This was pre-social media and pre-smart phones. I tried my best by putting signs up, spreading the word, and only had 8 people sign up. Thankfully, Will signed up as the 9th, as the new owner of CYS, so we started our YTT journey in December 2005.
The first Guru- gate- scandal shock hit me 2 weeks before the Kripalu YTT had started, I just didn’t know at that time this was not going to be the last. I learned the infidelity and abuse of Amrit Desai, the spiritual director of the Kripalu lineage in the Kripalu ashram in Massachusetts. Amrit had sexual misconduct with his disciples. He was married at the time. This had happened 11 years prior, in 1994, yet it was like yesterday for me because I had just learned about it. I was crushed and disappointed. I was so eager, and I was promoting the training, yet I questioned if I should attend the training myself. I didn’t want to engage in a tainted institution. Amrit Desai was long gone at that time and new leadership took charge in the last decade now. Diane convinced me that Kripalu had nothing to do with Amrit anymore and I was finally convinced to attend the training.
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| Kripalu YTT Class of 2006 |
Kripalu Yoga is a Shiva lineage, no wonder…The lineage, like many other lineages in India has magical stories in its history. A meteor perfectly shaped like a Shiva linga, yogis enter samadhi at will and as they disappear their shape magically carved into the stone, only to be discovered centuries later in a temple where Swami Kripalu recognizes the shape carved into the stone as his teacher, Lakulisha. Despite a thousand years gap, his features had not changed.
In Kripalu yoga, postures, breathwork and meditation are all happening simultaneously. It’s a synthesis of traditional approaches; physical and purification practices of Hatha yoga, mental discipline of Raja yoga, prana awakening of Kundalini yoga, devotion of Bhakti yoga, and service of Karma yoga. Prana is recognized as the link between body, mind, and spirit, when awakened removes blockages and reunites one to his/her true self. Kripalu yoga has 3 stages of sadhana, the practice.
Stage 1 teaches various yoga postures, concentrating on alignment and coordination of breath. Stage 2 takes it to a deeper concentration on awareness of sensations as a witness. Step 3 brings intuitive guidance of prana. Also, one is encouraged to witness by sequence of: Breath, Relax, Feel, Watch and Allow.
I especially liked one of the pre-requisite books during our YTT,
The Ethics of Caring, written by Kylea Taylor. I embarked on developing a
training out of it, to warn new yoga teachers and practitioners of possible
pitfalls on the spiritual path.
I exchanged messages and received permission from Kylea Taylor to
base my training off her book. Now I understand it was for my own healing
of the scandal in Kripalu, not the new yoga teachers.
Kylea’s book was about our vulnerability towards ethical misconduct. It talks about the root cause of various misconducts: money issues stem from our fear of insufficiency and insecurity, sexual misconduct stems from our longing for physical expression, and power misconduct stems from a fear of losing control, etc.
I just didn’t know this project was going to lead me to my second encounter with yet another Guru-gate scandal, this time hitting harder, hitting home.
I had read Autobiography of a Yogi a few years before, fast forward to the summer of 2006, I participated in a Yoga Retreat with CYS at Ft. Ancient. This weekend-camp was designed for CYS’s new YTT and students alike. I was going to teach an Intro to Reiki session during the Retreat. I took my kids to this overnight occasion too. That night something magical happened.
It was late at night; my kids were sound asleep in our room, and I wanted to spend time on the porch overlooking the millions of stars on this beautiful summer night of August 2006. I felt grateful to have spent time in this ancient Indian sacred land, and it felt like it was time for me to move to my next stage. I felt like chanting “Om Namah Shivaya” 108 times and asked for Shiva’s transformational energies to help me transform to this new stage, even though I had no clue what it was.
Suddenly, it felt like a portal opened and I knew my answer would be given the next day. The next day of the Retreat, one of my dear Ashtanga Yoga teachers (and best Ashtanga teacher I’ve ever encountered) Shashank Lakhia, uttered the work “Kriya Yoga” when he was giving a lecture. The bells and gongs started to ring, the whole Universe smiled. I was stunned, of course it was Kriya, it was time for me to take the Kriya initiation, but how….
This is a whole different story to tell in detail which I’ll write about when I write about Kriya Yoga.
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| Spring 2008 Issue of CYTA Newsletter on Ethics of Yoga class |
In October 2006 I was doing a search for my YTT course in Ethics of Teaching Yoga and looking for Guru-gate scandals in the US. I came across another one, this time with Swami Kriyananda, the Spiritual leader of the organization that I was planning to take the Kriya initiation with. The feeling I had was gut wrenching, disbelief, shock, sadness, betrayal, grief… you name it. Honestly, I thought I would not be impacted this much if my husband betrayed me because he is a human; but a Guru… no. I didn’t even know him personally, had not taken initiation from his organization or was his disciple, but I can’t imagine how hurtful it should be if you’re betrayed by your own Guru.
I got the greatest lesson out of this: Never put a Guru on a pedestal. They’re human too. Take their teachings that resonate with you and always allow room that they can make mistakes too.
In the fall of 2006, I also started to teach a “Family Partner Yoga” at Wyoming Fine Arts center; I’ll confess, I didn’t think I was good enough to teach yoga to adults yet. I had young children at that time, and I felt more comfortable with kids. I designed a class parents could take with their kids and do partner exercises, including breath work, and lots of games. The class helped me build my confidence, but I wasn’t going to be comfortable to teach a regular class for another few years. During that time, I subbed for classes across the town as I continued to take every possible workshop I could in Cincinnati.
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My son was my partner on Monday night Family Yoga class- 2007 Wyoming Fine Arts Center During this time, I can’t thank CYTA, Cincinnati Yoga Teachers Association, enough. I was very honored to serve on their Board for a few years as well as being the Social Networking Chair. CYTA had an apprenticeship program to train local yoga teachers; monthly continuous education trainings where local yoga teachers taught the most refined teachings. CYTA even invited guest teachers to Cincinnati from across the country. They also had an annual Yoga Day with day long activities and community building. Every month I took a CYTA sponsored continuous education workshop. The classes span from anatomy to Ayurveda to pranayama, from different styles of yoga to philosophy. I’ve been so lucky to being exposed and learned so much from so many selfless servants. |
A friend of mine inspired me by telling a story about her
grandfather. Her grandfather did 108 Sun Salutations every day throughout his
life. When he was in his nineties it’d take him all day to complete the 108 sun
salutation. Suddenly, an idea to do a 108 Sun Salutation came to
me. Will/CYS suggested to make this a fundraising event. We invited the whole
CYS community. It was almost like a preparing for a marathon.I trained for it
starting slowly and building up. Before the actual event, I completed 2x108 sun
salutations so that I could time myself. It took 1 hour and 40 minutes if
I did it alone, the actual event took 2 hours and 15 minutes because we took
short breaks after each 12 sun salutations, and I read inspirational stories
and anecdotes from saints and sages. I also chose inspiring music. We raised
almost $2500, and I had so much fun. Still today, this is one of the events
that I am proud of myself for completing. It was physically challenging,
mentally exhausting but my soul soared.
I knew taming the mind was the only way but I struggled so much to quiet my mind that when I finally figured out how (in a very loose sense) , I decided to share what worked for me and started teaching meditation first to my Reiki group, and then at work. I was always arm's length distant to Tantra, but I had built love-hate relationship with Osho during this time.
Yoga was booming in Turkey too and I continued to follow the yoga community in Turkey and especially inspired by Zeynep Aksoy who brought yoga to masses, Elvan Demirkan with her column in mindfulness, Ayca Gurelman who translated Vedic masterpieces to Turkish and attended Bora Ercan's classes in our summer vacations, whose studio was only 5 minutes walking distance form our Istanbul apartment.
I continued to be fascinated by Vedanta. Meeting Swami Tadatmananda in a CYTA event was incredible. I intended to visit Ramesh Balsekar, another living Vedanta Guru but unfortunately he passed away in 2009. I don't know how any times i watched one of his rare interviews in youtube.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fByNIZWwm4&ab_channel=AdvaitaFellowship
I continued to read Swami Dayananda especially his interpretations of a particular mantra.
“Poornamadah Poornamidam
Poornaat Poornamudachyate
Poornasya Poornamaadaaya
Poornamevaavashishṣyate”
“Completeness is that, completeness is this.
From completeness, completeness comes forth.
Completeness from completeness taken away,
Completeness to completeness added,
Completeness alone remains. “
All is perfect, all is perfect as is!
Next: 2010-2015- A new Era starting with Grace Tree
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